When your emotions flow through your body like rushing rain…like fire bombs…you start to wonder if it’s safe.
Anxiety, for example.
My anxiety loves to play hide and seek…it peaks from behind the cushions of spaces that are still healing, and it sits there – places I have yet to reveal as hiding spots.
Quarantine has become my breeding ground for extreme (and I mean extreme) self discovery and I’ve been lead to deal with my anxiety in a different way…less brushy, less “it is what it is.”
But deeper.
Everything that clouded my senses has come to a halt. The physical workplace, events, bars, Sunday Funday, kickbacks, birthday parties and most social gatherings, have been left to float in digital spaces. I personally don’t like to indulge in tons of social media, so for me, I was left with myself, more than usual – forced to deal with feelings I never even knew I was dealing with.
I had to hold hands with my fears and dance with my shortcomings. I was left to turn up with codependencies…laughed with things that I didn’t realize I clinged to for validation. ouch.
Alone in my apartment, the lights off, phone on silent.
I. felt. it. all.
Doubt, fear, traumas, adulthood, frustrations, worry, decisions, loss, grief…laughing at something funny on IG…and then doubt, fear, traumas, adulthood, frustrations, worry…happinessssss, looooooooove….then decisions, loss, grief.
My emotions were on ten…
…and as an empath, it sometimes feels like a curse to feel so deeply. You wonder if you’re crazy for feeling, as if it’s almost too much, as if you’re not allowed to, like you need authorization – a clearance card..
..but we should never feel “crazy” for feeling.
Side bar: I think where we do fall short is not learning how to express or handle the intensity of our emotions with grace, which is why it’s so important for people like you and me to stay in alignment – to find our center.
You have to find the root and you have to face it head on, period, and this time of advanced solitude is nothing but a catalyst for that.
As much as I enjoy self discovery, that stuff doesn’t always feel like a hot bath with rose petals. It’s thorns and needles. It’s tripping up the stairs…it’s dropping your croissant.
So imagine life as a “super feeler “, “an anxious empath” – how overwhelming it can be to face others, better yet, to face yourself, especially when the world is having its own emotional episode. Life has been moving so fast for us lately that we’ve lost track of our steps, our spirits, our hearts.
I’m writing this because I know there are people out there that are floating, also dealing with their emotions on a different level. I know that there are people like me who let anxiety and stressors get the best of them at times, and it causes life to just get out of whack.
I get that you’re off center. I get that you self-sabotage even from places of love. I see that your creative expression is blocked, chakras and spirit in shambles, you forgot how to recharge – forgot what brought you happiness.
But…
Breathe. See that that? Feel that?
You’re alive. Slooooooow down. This is me talking to myself.
The world is not over, I promise promise promise promise.
This is a time to take care of yourself and love on yourself soooo very DEEPLY that it becomes intoxicating, and you know how you do that? You take a look at yourself in the mirror and you love on her/him. You eat the ice cream WITH the brownie AND the snickers sprinkled on top.
Me, you, we, are moving into a season that embraces unconditional love and growth from all directions, inward, upward, outward, in circles, on the mountain tops and on the yoga mat in your underwear, why? because that should always be the intention.
From a recent IG post:
” Loving yourself comes with a price tag. The price is heavy, sometimes not so glamorous, shiny on some days, dull on others.
The cost is loving yourself enough to face the good, the bad and the ugly, to be willing to change, daily, when it’s easy and at the most when it’s hard – when it hurts.
To actively pay into your love for you is investing in who you will be tomorrow – the mother, the CEO, the business owner, the grandmother, the auntie, the wife, the friend, the leader, the follower, your higher self.
You are your own passion project. You are the bank. You are the investment. Gather your coins! All of them, because one day it will all add up…and you will be a whole lot richer than you could have ever imagined – intangible, untouchable. ” – Maya J.
So if anyone hasn’t told you today, I think you are doing a beautiful job figuring out some heavy sh*t.
Forgive yourself for yesterday. Forgive yourself for today. Imperfection is just another part of life that you just have to accept. You will have seasons where you’re not operating at your best, but each day, each second, starts a new chapter to learn and move UP on the spectrum.
You’re learning, healing, growing and discovering yourself all at once and it’s about to get magical for you.
The more that you are intentional about diving into those places you seem to run from, the more you will learn to love, heal and take back control.
Better is the goal. Love is the goal. We’re on this journey together.
